The Holy Grail of Confidence for Women

The Holy Grail of Confidence for Women

Jun 6, 2014 | coaching, confidence, critical thinking, gender roles in business, leadership, women

Lots of recent discussion about what I’ve long referred to as the confidence conundrum — how much is enough, how much is too much, how do we get it, why does he/she have it and I don’t— particularly as it pertains to women in leadership. While this is certainly not a new topic, two national journalists have written a book hoping to “crack” the “confidence code”…once and for all. See an overview here:  Journalists Kay and Shipman urge women to close the confidence gap. Not that simple. Despite ongoing efforts to capture it, achieving a state of balanced confidence continues to elude even the smartest and most successful. Which is why hot and cold running trainers and coaches have created a self-perpetuating industry of quick fix offerings that a) capitalize on fear and b) never get at the more fundamental issues, the true drivers of authentic and sustainable confidence. In fact, their approach is merely palliative and therefore short-lived: they drill women on using bolder verbiage, on deploying more assertive body language, on acting ‘as if;’ indeed, all are legitimate interventions and confidence boosters** but are also wholly insufficient. The problem and why it persists, I submit, is that we’ve been thinking and going about this all wrong. In 2013, I was asked to address the East Tennessee Women’s Leadership Summit on this very topic and had the distinct privilege of shaking up the status quo with an original and innovative paradigm: basically, confidence isn’t a commodity to be bought, sold, borrowed, loaned or lusted after and there simply is no code to break. Instead, it’s a constellation of...
The Two- Gender Solution

The Two- Gender Solution

Jan 17, 2014 | critical thinking, gender roles in business, leadership, women

2015 Update:  After reading this article below, take a peak at my updated article, “The ALL Gender Solution,” which you can find here.  I refuse to allow the dtkunplugged digital presence to digress into a place of complaints absent solution, so I won’t go into how long I’ve been creating a blended leadership model to serve us well as we face the global realities of the 21st Century. However, it was in early 2013 when I started to hear my words return poignant echoes, with significant reach. And it has been gratifying to see the conversation finally getting out of the “yes, but” phase and into this “yes, and” phase, where progress can be made. While some may still be stuck in very old thinking and argue to the contrary, men and women are different. We have different wiring and different innate strengths, but the blending of the best of each will can only create something that’s better than the sum of the parts. This blended leadership model — which is an important part of what I call the Two-Gender Solution — has always been my objective in the work I do both individually and corporately. It’s what I believe will ultimately generate the best results all around. This new, men/women inclusive conversation is critical and it requires an inclusive vision from the top, especially in male-dominated industries and sectors. But, while engaging/recruiting evolved men in power is certainly key to initiating change, change will continue to be slow… Unless… We rightfully have trained a lot of attention on how we can better socialize our daughters to prepare them...