Lots of recent discussion about what I’ve long referred to as the confidence conundrum — how much is enough, how much is too much, how do we get it, why does he/she have it and I don’t— particularly as it pertains to women in leadership. While this is certainly not a new topic, two national journalists have written a book hoping to “crack” the “confidence code”…once and for all. See an overview here: Journalists Kay and Shipman urge women to close the confidence gap.
Not that simple. Despite ongoing efforts to capture it, achieving a state of balanced confidence continues to elude even the smartest and most successful. Which is why hot and cold running trainers and coaches have created a self-perpetuating industry of quick fix offerings that a) capitalize on fear and b) never get at the more fundamental issues, the true drivers of authentic and sustainable confidence.
In fact, their approach is merely palliative and therefore short-lived: they drill women on using bolder verbiage, on deploying more assertive body language, on acting ‘as if;’ indeed, all are legitimate interventions and confidence boosters** but are also wholly insufficient.
The problem and why it persists, I submit, is that we’ve been thinking and going about this all wrong.
In 2013, I was asked to address the East Tennessee Women’s Leadership Summit on this very topic and had the distinct privilege of shaking up the status quo with an original and innovative paradigm: basically, confidence isn’t a commodity to be bought, sold, borrowed, loaned or lusted after and there simply is no code to break. Instead, it’s a constellation of mindset, behavior, competence, situation, experience and awareness, with no set formula.
Confidence, too, is — like a muscle — something that can be built deliberately and cumulatively. Ironically, you’ve always had it, and although your confidence muscle may be weak or atrophied, it’s still there. So waking it up or rebuilding it requires attention, commitment, repetition and consistency.
In other words, it takes a concerted effort. The payoff, however, remains an issue few debate: personal and professional success, momentum, influence and fulfillment.
If you agree and are ready to start accessing your true confidence, keep reading. Here are a few notes for those who may be unsure how or where to start.
How about starting at the beginning? Your core values (and value), for example. They’re at the center of everything, travel with you wherever and simply cannot be removed against your will. And bottom line, that’s where confidence lives. At the end of the day, and this is why remediation in a vacuum doesn’t stick, the directional flow of confidence is inside out, not the other way around.
The authors are smart, accomplished women — by all means, read the book — who embarked on their mission to fill their own individual confidence deficits. Lots to learn from others but again, there isn’t a universal code or formula. If there were, there wouldn’t be heated debates, niched industries and countless articles dedicated to “cracking the code.”
If, on the other hand, you’re a determined, accomplished leader committed to creating maximum impact, contact my office for a discovery session and start leveraging the learning in real time.
**(For a gratis copy of my Confidence Boosters and Busters list, just visit our download area and grab your free copy.)